As much as I love to write, I have not blogged in 3 years! Crazy right? Well, I have redesigned my page, uploaded pictures of me that are not from when I was 15 and have started this new post. I really don't know where to start, I consider this my "new beginning". I think I will start with the reason behind me starting this hobby again.
In recent days I have come to ask myself this one question.
"What is my purpose?"
Then I looked up the definition of purpose.
"The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists."
What was I created for? For what do I exist?
I recently got married, (that is a subject for a different post!) and my life consists of me, my husband, 1 truck, a 24x8 travel trailer, and no kids. I am "living the life"! Or so I thought. After a month in a new place in a new trailer with a new husband, I came to question myself. I began to evaluate myself. I was bored to death and I was blaming my hard working husband! I knew in my heart that I was wrong to do that. I knew the problem was in me. I was frustrated and I began to list my "duties", as I saw them. I wake up, I make coffee, I make food, I kiss my husband good-bye, I shut the door to our trailer, and then, I am alone.
Utterly, completely, alone.
I am hours away from my family, I have friends, but my friend's all live elsewhere and they all have lives that don't include me. Which is completely normal! So I find myself slowly becoming more and more depressed and frustrated. All I do is cook and clean which takes all of 10 minutes in this trailer. That concludes my day. By 10 am, I am alone in a perfectly clean home with a TV to stare at for the rest of the day. After a month of the novelty of TV, (never had one growing up) It got old. Really old!
So I began to think... Is that all I am worth? Is all I am supposed to do is cook and clean and sit til my hubby gets home? I thought I was worth more!
I am prone to depression. I admit it. Admitting it is the first step to fixing it, right?
I know I am worth more! I have a husband that loves me more than anything in the world. I have 2 homes! I have great parents and amazing siblings. I just need to find my amazingness. I need to find my greatness. I need to find my PURPOSE.
So, I am blogging. Maybe letting my thoughts and feelings flow onto a computer screen will help me to keep my thoughts straight. You can read this, or not. I really don't care either way. But this is my journey to find my true purpose. I hope I can be of some inspiration to someone. I hope someone who has struggled and succeeded in finding their purpose can comment words of wisdom!
Well, this post is at a close.
More posts to come about our wedding, our journey in a travel trailer, and everything in between!
Signing off with a purpose to find my purpose!
Goodnight to all!